My father died (suddenly) 40 years ago today. There is a lot to unpack about this but I’ll do some of that later. I found something I wrote soon after he died; it’s not dated but my guess is that it was within a year of his death. I am missing the last page but that is okay. I found it a few years ago and couldn’t believe that I had it, I had forgotten some of the details.
One thing I wrote about was the plane ride home on the day he died. I was visiting my cousins in another state. My aunts, grandfather and I all flew to my home in Illinois. I was in shock, numb and not sure what would happen as we were expecting to move to another state in the coming months. As an adult I cry for the trauma that little me went through. It’s something that I have had a hard time realizing is a trauma for life; life goes on and I can be happy but I carry my little trauma with me.
Back to the plane ride. I was listening to music through whatever headphone system they had in 1983. A few songs came on that made me think of my dad, any songs would have made me think of my dad. The song “Heart Attack” by Olivia Newton John was not cool as that was his cause of death. I kept changing the channel to find a better song to no avail (did I use that word correctly?). Then the song “Always Something There to Remind Me” by Naked Eyes. That put me over the edge, I burst out in tears and put my head in my aunt’s lap and cried. As I cried I felt a tear drop from my aunt fall on my face. I didn’t understand the pain my aunts felt losing a brother-in-law and seeing their niece in pain.
Today I hear that song and smile. I laugh at how terrible it was changing channels and getting worse song. I smile knowing that I still have memories of my dad. I smile knowing how wonderful our family and friends were during this difficult time. I smile knowing that I got through that tragedy at such a young age, I am stronger than I know.
Is there a song that reminds you of a tough time? How do you feel about that song now?
Introverted runner and other stuff 