Back to School Days

September 1

6th grade: School is simple. A

Okay, hot shot. School is often easy in the beginning, especially in elementary school. Well I guess that I like my attitude.

8th grade: I got a lot of school clothes from [sister’s] friend. 4 days to school

Hand-me-downs. A good 75% of my wardrobe. I don’t remember what I got but I loved getting those bags. I got a lot of my cousins’ stuff, some of which had been my sister’s. Usually by the time I was done with them they weren’t worth passing o or there wasn’t anyone to take them. Do kids still do hand-me-downs? Has it been replaced by Buy Nothing and Facebook Marketplace?

September 3

8th grade: We dropped [brother] off at school.

It’s a weird feeling the first time a sibling goes off to college. Probably more so for them.

September 4

8th grade: tomorrow school

The anticipation of starting a new school is tough.

9th: I had an orientation today. I liked [school], I met this girl named [name]

I was never really became friends with her. No reason, we just didn’t. I’m not sure what sparked the conversation at orientation.

I realize now that I had a few years where I started a new school or changed schools. A lot of bouncing around. Not as much as an “army brat” but still more than most. It absolutely shaped who I am, hood and bad. I’m a loner so naturally I have no problem doing things by myself but I am not afraid to try new things. I’ve seen the benefits and the challenges.

September 5

8th: Today was school. No one said “Hi” to me. [cousin] is going to introduce me to someone.

And so the dreaded year begins. To my classmates defense I was painfully shy and uncomfortable at that time.I was new, recently went through a tragedy and felt different from the others. It was 8th grade, they had spent at least 2 years together. There were some snobby kids though.

I remember that my name was not on the class registration so every class I had to raise my hand and say who I was. This caused all the students to turn and stare. I also got the last seat in the classroom, often in the back. It seems like a little thing but things like that are tough in the awkward years.

September 6

6th: We went to Lake Rippley. [neighbor] got hit by a bat and got 10 stitches

I think it’s Ripley, I don’t remember much about it. We were playing softball with some neighbors and a girl got hit by a bat that a dad threw. All an accident, or course, but the dad felt awful. I don’t know what else we did there. We would do outings with neighbors as we didn’t have family around.

Did I drop grading my days because I was now a cool 6th grader?

8th: Rotton Day! [cousin] is going to introduce me to two more kids

I’m giving me a pass for the spelling mistake, it was a shot day. I still remember that. I left the cafeteria crying. The girls would say hi and then turn, I get it but it was awful. I also hated my classes. I went to the guidance counselor and changed classes. I wanted to quit school.

My cousins were really helpful trying to introduce me to kids. I will always appreciate them for this.

September 7

6th: Today we didn’t go to school because of Labor Day. B

Nope, the grading is back. The going to school before and after Labor Day is a regional thing. In the Midwest it was always a week or so before, East Coast it was always after. I remember being a kid and reading something about September being back to school time, I was mad because it was August for me and that seemed weird.

8th: The girl [name]was nice

Yes, my cousin introduced me to some nice girls who included me in their conversation. I never really became friends with them but they were nice and I will remember them for that.

9th: we saw a nice house

I think I know the house. My mom opted not to get it but it was nice and she may have regretted not buying it.

Wow, that was a busy week during my pre-teen/teen years. The 8th grade days still haunt me. Feeling so alone and isolated. Hating where I lived. So many kids go through this, much worse than what I did, and it’s hard to explain that it gets better. You find your people.

Trailblazers

Name the professional athletes you respect the most and why.

True to my running name, what first came to mind are the women runners. The first official and unofficial runners. Katherine Switzer, Bobbi Gibb, Nina Kuscsik, Joan Benoit Samuelson. They forced their way into the Boston Marathon and other marathons. They proved that a woman can run long distances without her uterus falling out. I can’t imagine the guts it took to train, without today’s sports bras and gear, for and attempt to sneak into a race. Since I have been alive women have been able to run the marathon, Title IX has been around to give equal opportunity to girls. Thanks to the ladies who fought, sat and kept running I can sign up for any race. I don’t take that for granted.

Along the same lines there is Billie Jean King, Wilma Rudolph, Venus and Serena Williams, Danica Patrick, Simone Biles, Caitlin Clark. The gymnasts who testified against the abuse they endured. Allyson Felix and others pushing for maternity leave and child care.

This is just an example, so many more I can list. I may not respect and support everything they do but I am in awe of their talent and courage to break the glass ceiling. This doesn’t take away from male athletes, there is room on the track, court, arena for all.

August

I thought I had started an August post but I guess not. I did the grades as the ones I was about to go into.

August 8

10th grade: We passed papers on our new house.

Yeah! It was not the house I wanted, it was old and needed a ton of work. Other houses had cool bedrooms for me, this was small. Of course, I loved the house and I got to pick cool pastel striped wallpaper for it. I’m immensely proud of my mom for going through the process of buying it and doing a ton of work to it.

August 21

9th grade: this summer has gone by fast

Oh kid, they always do

August 22

9th: 4 more days and [sister] is coming home. I miss her so much.

Ugh, this is a tough one. As kids we weren’t super close but there is always an “absence makes the heart grow fonder” thing that we missed each other and truly cared for each other. She recently passed away and reading this is gut wrenching, I wish that I could see her in 4 days.

August 23

7th: I’m getting excited about school.

This was after my dad died (shit this is a lot) and I was starting a new school. I absolutely needed something to distract me from my grief and reality.

August 24

9th: I got some school supplies. I can’t wait till [sister] gets home.

On a lighter note, school supply shopping was the best- even when I was in high school. Everything is fresh and new, there is hope.

August 25

9th: Tomorrow [sister] is coming home. I can’t wait.

Oh it just makes me smile to think how excited I was to see my sister after 2 months away. There was always love, even when we drove each other crazy.

August 26

9th: Two weeks till school.

Yes, I started late. It was a parochial school and we started about a week after public schools. The more you pay for school, the less you go.

August 27

9th: [sister] looked good.

She did.it was awesome to see her and hear her stories.

August 28

8th: I have decided to write again. [new town] is ok. I don’t want school to start.

Hugs to you, young me, and thank you for putting your thoughts down. It was a tough time and starting a new school in a new town in 8th grade, a year after losing a parent is not easy. When I think of my life I feel like I have not done tough things but I think that counts as one. Kids who have had changes like this understand yet know that it was just a part of their childhood.

August 31

6th: Today was our first day of school and I really like it. A-

Yeah! I’m happy to be back at school. 4th and 5th grade I went to a arts charter school but went back to my local elementary school for 6th grade. It was a good decision I guess

80s kids

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

I watched a lot of shows with kids in it, makes sense. (I know that shows should be in quotes but I’m lazy today so forgive me)

Diff’rent Strokes (why was it spelled like that?) was a favorite and I had a crush on Gary Coleman. Facts of Life was awesome, I desperately wanted to go to boarding school. Jo was my favorite and I hated Blair. Love Sydney was another really good show with an adorable kid in it. Webster, the Diff’rent Strokes knock off that claimed to not be a knock off was also really good and made me cry. Brady Bunch was cool and also dorky because the clothes were so funny.

Watching these shows now I don’t find them funny. I completely understand I enjoyed them as a kid but I don’t have the same enjoyment or nostalgia for them. They are weird with bad laugh tracks. There were some storylines that were relevant to me and resonated with me but for the most part it was an escape.

Not so much kids show (they had a child actor scattered about) but I enjoyed were The Love Boat; I wanted to go on a cruise like that. The guest starts we’re awesome. Charo and old vaudeville stars. Also Alice aka Mel’s Diner. Flo “Kiss my grits” was fabulous but I really loved Vera and her sweet, naive ways.

Many of these shows were syndicated and showed in the morning or after school. I could watch an hour of tv in the morning during the summer and then I had to turn it off and play. Fair enough. I was able to see just about every episode this way.

An absolute favorite and one that I still will watch today is Leave it to Beaver. It is so funny and of an era that I didn’t live through so it seems real to me though I know it’s not. It gives me the warm fuzzies watching it.

I was mesmerized by seeing kids on tv. How did they get those jobs? Where do they go to school? Do the kids on the same show live together like at camp? It was hard to understand that the evil kids on tv may have actually been nice (I’m looking at you Nellie Olsen). Likewise I assumed that the good kids were nice and sweet. I once read an article in The Enquirer that listed the per show salary for kids (given the source I’m not sure how accurate it was). I couldn’t comprehend the money. Given what I know now and the troubled lives many of these children lived I’m blessed that I had a boring life.

The real highlight of tv were the holiday specials. Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang going trick or treating, having Thanksgiving together and that tree. There were some Family Circus cartoons that were great (at the time). And of course the stop motion animation Christmas specials that were only shown once a year.

I wasn’t much of a Saturday morning cartoon kid but I did like Davey and Goliath.

Ah, such nostalgia

Peaceful Easy Feeling

What brings you peace?

The beach. Walking along the beach; listening to the waves and seeing the sun rise or set.

I was recently on vacation at the beach, there is so much peace being in the sand and smelling the ocean air. We sat on the beach one evening having wine and dinner. The beach during the day is beautiful but nighttime is so special. Watching the moon reflect off the water, wearing a sweatshirt or being under a blanket if it cool. Those are times that I am thankful for the opportunity and know that I will wish for it in the winter.

Even in the winter I will bundle up and walk along the beach, enjoying the calm.

Yes indeed I’m walking

What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?

Although I have runner in my name I think of walking as my strategy for health and wellbeing. I love running and it makes me feel good but walking is my go-to when I need to “air out”.

I walk or run every morning then walk at lunch and after work. When we were first sent to wfh in 2020 I wasn’t walking in the morning. I realized that I was off and cranky. I started my morning “commute” with a walk. It is a reset to start the day.

I love walking when I travel, going into little neighborhoods and exploring.

I advise everyone to walk everyday. You don’t have to run, just the simple act of walking does wonders for mind, body, and soul.

I stole this, love it.

More summering

It’s less heavy now.

July 14

8th grade: We had a mass for dad. It was nice

We would have masses in people’s homes, bringing in a local priest. Seems weird, maybe it was. I remember my brother and I did readings (my sister was still in Colombia). I couldn’t pronounce “Ecclesiastes” and just looked at the priest like “Dude, you have to help a girl out”.

July 18

7th grade: We took off to [new state]. I’m going to miss [old city]

A rare 7th grade, going into 8th grade entry. Moving to a new state, a year after losing my dad, is a tough transition. I need to write more on this and talk about this, though I have made mention of it. I was hopeful at this time, which makes me happy to think about.

My family had made this trek before, back and forth. It was different this time as it was final. My brother had left earlier so he could work. My sister left a boyfriend behind and was upset, she was starting her junior year of high school at a new school. Changing schools is not the end of the world, but like experiencing grief at a young age it has an impact. I don’t have memories of childhood where I am now, my friends don’t know what I know from my old state. On the plus side I feel like I knew state geography better.

July 22

10th grade: Nana died, 67, she had been really sick.

67! To a teenager that is old. She also looked old, people did back then. Now I think how young that was. My grandmother, my dad’s mom, was a wonderful woman. She worked in the hospital where I was born and visited me right away. As I kid I told the story that my nana took my mom out to lunch right after she gave birth to me! Not quite. My grandmother was smart and funny, more than she was given credit for. She loved crossword puzzles and crocheting. I still have a blank she made. She was the only grandmother that I had as my other one died before I was born. When I think of grandmothers I think of her love. She set the bar. Also, I think the name “Nana” as opposed to “Gram” or “Grandma” is heartwarming. Just me. It had to have been hard on her to have outlived her son, I am sure that contributed to her (and eventually my grandfather’s) early death.

A little heavy but not bad. Hug your nana, grandma, Grammy or whoever makes your heart happy.

The darkest day

This one gets its own blog for obvious reasons.

6th grade: Dad died at the age of 41 of a heart attack.

So I can write a lot or I can write nothing; it doesn’t change anything and it still has an impact. I have written and talked about this a lot, ironically more so as I get older and realize just the impact this had on me and the way I live my life. IYKYK

My life changed after this. Of course it did. I went from two loving parents to one. Money was tighter. I learned about grief. I watch my mom crumble yet keep her shit together in a way I will never forget. I got mad when I saw men older, heavier, less fit than my dad and wondered how they could still be alive if my dad wasn’t.

What I didn’t know at the time was how much this changed my life. I often say that I got a slap of reality at a young age. I knew that people died young. Bad things happen to good people. I learned of disappointment; my family was going through an exciting change when this happened. I still have a hard time anticipating that good things will happen to me. Not pessimism but more not wanting to get hurt or disappointed again. Therefore I build up walls. I have worked on this for years; some progress and a lot more to go. I’ve learned to accept some of who I am and what holds me back.

What I have also learned is empathy. Sometimes just being there and listening is enough. Listening without judgement, listening without advice. The walls and the empathy were part of me before my dad died, the trauma enhanced them.

What I did not understand as a child was that my dad was a person, not just a dad. His death was tough on his friends, family, co-workers. I couldn’t comprehend other adults, besides his immediate family, grieving. I figured they forgot about him after a while. It wasn’t until years later when I lost a family friend that I got it.

I couldn’t write this entry yesterday because I wanted to deal with the day differently. It hit harder this year. Some years I barely remember and some hit hard. Since it was on a weekend day this year it was harder because I was home and thought about it. Other life events will also shape my feelings.

I got my sense of humor from my dad. Actually, I have always told “dad jokes”. There are still times today when I will laugh at something and think of my dad.

It hurts because there was so much love.

Btw, this happened the summer after 6th grade. I started 7th grade, middle school, at a new school with this heavy burden on my little shoulders. Something else that few people understand.

8th grade: Two Years! Wow! I really miss dad. Not a bad day.

Oh kiddo, you make me cry. I always say that I want to go back and hug my little 11 year-old self but this 13 year-old wisdom needs a big hug.

Phew!

Lazy, hazy days of summer

July 3

8th grade: Me, [cousins] stayed up all night.I smoked a cigarette for the 1st time. I hated it

We stayed up all night and paid the price the next day as we had to participate in a parade the next day. We joke about it today.

I do remember trying cigarettes again, same place, a few summers later. Fortunately I did not like them though menthol was better. I understand how they can be addictive. I’m too damn cheap to smoke now.

July 4

8th: The Parade. It was o.k. I got burnt

Neighborhood parade that was started by my uncles and his friends when we were kids and still goes on today. It is a nice tradition and the teenagers today roll their eyes at it. Patriotism, not politics, was a big part of my family. I’m proud to be an American; the good, bad and ugly.

So after not sleeping all night we went to the beach and slept. Yup, we got burnt- if memory serves me right I was sleeping on my side and got a burn on one side of my face. Someone nicely covered my body with a blanket.

I proudly slather myself with sunscreen now and check for moles. With age comes wisdom.

July 6

8th: I came home from the cape

When I was younger I would spend a couple of weeks there. I was just there this weekend and the memories I have there are wonderful. I feel blessed to have been able to spend time there and be surrounded by amazing people, some of whom I still see now. We try to pass on the love and fun to the next generation.

July 7

8th: We might buy a house

Such a stressful time for my mom to house hunt in an expensive area. We looked at a lot of places during this time.

July 8

8th: We didn’t get the house.

Bummer. I don’t recall what house it was. We ended up staying in our apartment for another year.

I wonder if it was boredom or something else that made me write every day at this time. Not a ton of information but it sparked memories for me.

Next passage is a doozy.