7th Grade: [friends’ brother] committed suicide today. He was 18. It is so sad. I’m so depressed.
Ugh, that was tough. I remember being told and I called my friends to discuss. Such a terrible loss and it’s so hard to explain to kids that things will get better. I still think of this guy and what a tragedy it was.
May 3
7th: [friends] were really sad today
I didn’t know if other kids should be told. Some knew. I remember trying to keep it lightheaded and real for them. I was dealing with my own grief and had some understanding.
May 4
7th: mom got in an accident in front of wake
Yeah, that happened. It was awful, ‘nuff said
May 5
7th: [funeral] mass really depressing.
There is so much more to say but a funeral of a child, someone whose parents are still alive, is just awful.
I do wish that I wrote more about this. I remember how awful it all was; the death and the accident (so much more to that). It was a low day in a year with the lowest days. I recently saw a movie where a child was losing a parent, I wanted to hug that child so much. Childhood tragedy is tough and thinking about it as an adult I am so sad for that little girl. I have been tasked with writing a letter to her and I will soon.
Next time will be less tragic and 5th grade me is back.
I’m a follower. Really I march to the beat of my own drum.
I’m a manager and I like mentoring people but I’m a better worker bee. I’m not the person to take charge nor do I have a desire to be an influencer but I’ll step up when needed.
When I lead I try to lead by example. Being a good worker or just being a good human being. As I manager I want others to respect me and feel comfortable asking questions and challenging me.
It stresses me out thinking about being a CEO or President of the United States. I’m good doing my job and being a upstanding citizen (most of the time).
Blueberries 🫐 I never ate them until I was late 30s. I’ve made up for los5 time. I prefer organic wild blueberries, I can eat them by the pint. I’ll put them cereal and pancakes. I have them frozen for smoothies. I tried to grow them a few years ago with little success.
Strawberries 🍓 They took a back seat to blueberries but I still love them. Great with yogurt or cool whip for a light dessert
Watermelon 🍉 but I have to eat it right away, I think it goes bad easily. My dog loves it as well
Apples 🍎 I always loved them and will eat with almond butter as a snack. I’ll baked them with nuts and oatmeal sometimes for breakfast, drizzled with maple syrup- yum
Clementines This is another one that I have to eat fairly quickly as they get dry. I love how small, tasty and easy to peel they are. Oranges seem so big to me after eating clementines
I’m not a fan of bananas, I can’t stand the smell and dislike anything with the. I wish I liked them as they are so portable.
9th grade: [Great Aunt] died. I’m glad because she was in a coma but I love her so much. She was like a grandmother to me. This year has had so many disasters.
Oh such sweet perspective little me. I hope that one day a great niece or nephew will mourn my loss and think of me as a grandmother-type.
April 20
9th: [Cousin’s] wedding. It was so cool. I think the family likes [mom’s boyfriend]. I do. A teacher at my old school died. I guess he was gay. How gross.
Okay, this one hurt. Why did I write that? Did I really feel that way about homosexuality? It was certainly not as accepted (yes, there is so much more that is needed) but with the rise of MTV it seemed like it was part of the culture. Regardless, it bothers me that I thought that way. I don’t remember who the teacher was. To me it shows that we as a society need to talk to kids about diversity, inclusion and acceptance. My parents didn’t allow racial slurs but we weren’t taught to speak up for others.
The wedding was my first wedding and it was fun. I remember we went to Burger King between the ceremony and reception because we weren’t sure when we would eat. I also remember dancing, a lot.
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I can’t think of a specific example but there were times when I was a kid and I did not step in when another student was being teased or bullied. I certainly was not the one who teased but no action is part of the problem.
This was a time before it was known as bullying. It was teasing, “kids will be kids”. Doesn’t make it right but that was the time. Thought I knew better. Part of it was a lack of confidence and part (really they go together) was being happy that I wasn’t the victim.
I have been thinking a lot about being mean, gossipy or catty. It stems from lack of confidence. If I say something mean about someone else then that puts them down so I must be better, right? Obviously it’s wrong but it’s an instinct to find flaws rather than build others up.
One year my New Year’s resolution was to be nice and not have bad thoughts. It lasted until I got on the train January 2nd and people were pushing and shoving. I tried.
I’m hoping that as I get older and care less about what people think I’ll be bolder and stick up for others. I’m sorry to my former classmates who endured the trauma.
Catching up. Still nothing from 5th grade me, I was out gallivanting every night I guess.
April 5
9th grade: I visited [great aunt] in the hospital. She looked so bad. She wasn’t herself at all. I was crying.
This may have been the first time I saw someone near death. She was an incredible woman, I think she was technically my mom’s aunt by marriage. Very interesting person. As a kid we would go to her apartment. She had large print books and a magnifying glass to assist with reading. She also had a bowl with peanut m&ms on her coffee table, I sat in front of the bowl and ate the candy when I was little. One can understand my sadness over the demise of this great lady.
When I was a little older than the m&m-eating kid I mailed her a birthday card (her birthday was a couple of days after mine) and taped some coins to it as a gift (maybe refill that candy dish). After she died someone found the card in her apartment with the coins still taped to it. I still have it. The sentiment is worth more than the interest, though it probably would’ve be at least $3 now.
April 6
9th: [Cousin’s] baby shower. I like her and her boyfriend.
From death to birth. My first baby shower, maybe.
April 14
9th: US bombed Libya. I’m so scared we’re gonna have a war.
I know we all say that we are happy that we grew up in an era where there was no X. I’m happy that there was no social media and constant news. We watched the evening news and read the paper. That was enough of the worrisome news. Especially for kids
April 15
9th: My school canceled 2 European trips. It made the news. I hope my psychic was right when he said that Kadaffi will be shot. He is scary.
A canceled school trip is absolutely first world problems but it was somewhat unusual for the times. I didn’t grow up in wartime. I think the students ended up going to California.
My psychic? Wtf! I did go to a tea room. Some of it is bs, he said that I was shy- no shit I barely said anything to you. Also, not really a bold prediction that a controversial world leader would get shot.
A lot, though I have been working for a long time so things are bound to change.
The biggest difference is being able to work from home. Yes, there are benefits to working in the office but having the ability to work from home is a game changer for many reasons. I would have to drag my butt into the office during a snowstorm and now I work from the comfort of home. Having people work on the same project around the globe is amazing, resources can be found anywhere.
My first job out of college I was an office manager and I hand wrote checks on a One Write system. It was antiquated even then but I learned the accounting process well. Now everything is automated and few checks are done. The lack of paper to keep and file is fantastic as I tend to keep a messy desk.
I do worry a bit about AI taking some of my job away but I still think there is a need for human intervention and intelligence in accounting.
Apparently the cold/cough of 5th grade wore me down so much that I couldn’t blog. Here is how the other years went.
March 20
9th grade: mom told us she had a date Sat. night. I’m happy 4 her (I think)
I think. Oh, 14 year-old me, can I give you a big hug? It’s obviously difficult when a parent starts to date. I remember being happy but sad, and confused. Yup, all of it and it all checks out. If memory serves me right she went on one date with this guy and that was it. She would eventually date one guy and then another who she married. My stepfather was a gem, one of the good ones.
It strikes me funny that this was the first post for a while. It meant something to me and I needed to put it into words but I couldn’t find the right ones. Or the reality of why she was dating was too much.
March 21
9: I stepped on a needle & had to call [aunt] to take me to the hospital because it was 1/2 way in. It was gross.
Ah, a story still talked about today. It was a sewing needle that my mom dropped in the carpet. I stepped on it with my bare (or maybe a socked) foot, right into the heel. I couldn’t pull it out myself and no one was home. Remember the olden days before cell phones? So I called my aunt, a nurse, who came over to look at it and was concerned that I could have an infection. As a precaution I went to the ER where another aunt came by (seriously, how great are these women). The ER couldn’t do anything since I was a minor and my parent was not there to authorize them removing a needle from my foot. You know, the off chance that my mom actually wanted the needle in my foot. Eventually a doctor walked by, looked at my foot and yanked the thing out and told the nurse to clean it and bandage it. When my mom got home I told her the story and her response was “Oh, I was wondering what happened to that needle”.
March 22
Today is mom’s date [date] is kinda nice. I think [cousin] is psychic.
Ok, I’m confused. This was the guy that she dated for a while, I thought there was someone before that. Maybe there was and I didn’t write about it. This is my problem with journaling, I get bogged down by the details since I have a computer memory. Also, did the fella come by and pick my mom up? Maybe it wasn’t a first date. Who would introduce the kids on the first date?
No idea about the psychic thing, probably just some coincidences.
I recently saw that the house (it was a 2 family) where we lived during this time was for sale. It is odd looking at the pictures and instantly recognizing parts of it despite the upgrades and changes. We lived there for 2 years but a lot of memories.
I was in a car accident on a Friday the 13th so I’m always careful. I avoid walking under ladders and try not to cross black cats. I certainly don’t let it rule my life but I’ve had some ominous experiences so I have what I call a healthy awareness.
I am back, or at least younger me is back. I have found reading and commenting on these old diary entries to be helpful. I remember things of my past, can laugh (and cry) at myself.
Also, what is the difference between a journal and diary? I know some differences, it seems like journal is used more now. Or is it that at my age it would be weird to write “Dear diary…”.
March 1
8th grade: [brother] came home for a break
My older brother came home for spring break. I guess that was the excitement of the time. Or I was trying to journal more and said “Starting March 1, I will write in my diary “
March 5
5th grade: John Belishi died. Our budriver was acting strange. In drama I think I have Schroeder. A
Excuse the spelling mistakes. About a month before John Belushi died I saw Jim Belushi in a play, I think that is why his death was significant to my little brain. I do remember playing the record of SNL (look it up, kids) and laughing at John. He was a talent like no other.
Our bus driver was strange and more to come on that.
I did get the role of Schroeder in “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown”. I went to an art’s alternative school for a few years. It was an incredible experience and I got to be in a few shows. I still remember a few lines that I had.
I’m glad that it was an A day.
Apparently 8th grade me fell off the wagon after one day.
March 6
5: I am starting to cough again I cleaned my room a little. B
I am guessing that my room needed more than a little cleaning. Yes, I had this cough/cold thing for months until it was finally discovered that I had an allergy.
March 7
5: Dad got an excellent stereo. Today mom lost her watch and it made her sad. I found it and it made her happy. I was happy to. A
Oh, I remember us all looking for her watch. I think that it was a gift from my dad, probably not worth much but she cherished it,I found it in or near the washing machine. She was so happy. I them asked if I could have it in her will! Whatever. It was nice to feel like I did something good for the family.
My dad was really into electronics and we had some sweet things. A big screen tv and a corded vcr. I’m the opposite, I’d still have a dumb tv if I could.
March 8
5: my throat is killing me. I lost second act script for dram. [teacher] hates me because he hates [sister]. B+
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I was in my sister’s shadow, both good in bad. One of the reasons I left the school was that I had a hard time keeping up the schedule of an early bus ride, lots of homework and having to work on scripts. I was also young for my grade and somewhat immature. In retrospect, it was a lot for a little kid. But I am glad for the experience
March 9
Today I didn’t go to school cause I can hardly talk. B
B for not being able to talk, not bad. This also added to the stress of my life. I could never figure out what was wrong and my parents we’re getting aggravated by my constant sickness. As an adult I went through a similar thing and found out after many doctors that I had allergies. Speak up, people and don’t let medical professionals brush you aside.
Bravo to little me for writing everyday despite the little woes of my life. At that age, they were big woes.
Introverted runner and other stuff 