Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I can’t think of a specific example but there were times when I was a kid and I did not step in when another student was being teased or bullied. I certainly was not the one who teased but no action is part of the problem.
This was a time before it was known as bullying. It was teasing, “kids will be kids”. Doesn’t make it right but that was the time. Thought I knew better. Part of it was a lack of confidence and part (really they go together) was being happy that I wasn’t the victim.
I have been thinking a lot about being mean, gossipy or catty. It stems from lack of confidence. If I say something mean about someone else then that puts them down so I must be better, right? Obviously it’s wrong but it’s an instinct to find flaws rather than build others up.
One year my New Year’s resolution was to be nice and not have bad thoughts. It lasted until I got on the train January 2nd and people were pushing and shoving. I tried.
I’m hoping that as I get older and care less about what people think I’ll be bolder and stick up for others. I’m sorry to my former classmates who endured the trauma.
Catching up. Still nothing from 5th grade me, I was out gallivanting every night I guess.
April 5
9th grade: I visited [great aunt] in the hospital. She looked so bad. She wasn’t herself at all. I was crying.
This may have been the first time I saw someone near death. She was an incredible woman, I think she was technically my mom’s aunt by marriage. Very interesting person. As a kid we would go to her apartment. She had large print books and a magnifying glass to assist with reading. She also had a bowl with peanut m&ms on her coffee table, I sat in front of the bowl and ate the candy when I was little. One can understand my sadness over the demise of this great lady.
When I was a little older than the m&m-eating kid I mailed her a birthday card (her birthday was a couple of days after mine) and taped some coins to it as a gift (maybe refill that candy dish). After she died someone found the card in her apartment with the coins still taped to it. I still have it. The sentiment is worth more than the interest, though it probably would’ve be at least $3 now.
April 6
9th: [Cousin’s] baby shower. I like her and her boyfriend.
From death to birth. My first baby shower, maybe.
April 14
9th: US bombed Libya. I’m so scared we’re gonna have a war.
I know we all say that we are happy that we grew up in an era where there was no X. I’m happy that there was no social media and constant news. We watched the evening news and read the paper. That was enough of the worrisome news. Especially for kids
April 15
9th: My school canceled 2 European trips. It made the news. I hope my psychic was right when he said that Kadaffi will be shot. He is scary.
A canceled school trip is absolutely first world problems but it was somewhat unusual for the times. I didn’t grow up in wartime. I think the students ended up going to California.
My psychic? Wtf! I did go to a tea room. Some of it is bs, he said that I was shy- no shit I barely said anything to you. Also, not really a bold prediction that a controversial world leader would get shot.
A lot, though I have been working for a long time so things are bound to change.
The biggest difference is being able to work from home. Yes, there are benefits to working in the office but having the ability to work from home is a game changer for many reasons. I would have to drag my butt into the office during a snowstorm and now I work from the comfort of home. Having people work on the same project around the globe is amazing, resources can be found anywhere.
My first job out of college I was an office manager and I hand wrote checks on a One Write system. It was antiquated even then but I learned the accounting process well. Now everything is automated and few checks are done. The lack of paper to keep and file is fantastic as I tend to keep a messy desk.
I do worry a bit about AI taking some of my job away but I still think there is a need for human intervention and intelligence in accounting.
Apparently the cold/cough of 5th grade wore me down so much that I couldn’t blog. Here is how the other years went.
March 20
9th grade: mom told us she had a date Sat. night. I’m happy 4 her (I think)
I think. Oh, 14 year-old me, can I give you a big hug? It’s obviously difficult when a parent starts to date. I remember being happy but sad, and confused. Yup, all of it and it all checks out. If memory serves me right she went on one date with this guy and that was it. She would eventually date one guy and then another who she married. My stepfather was a gem, one of the good ones.
It strikes me funny that this was the first post for a while. It meant something to me and I needed to put it into words but I couldn’t find the right ones. Or the reality of why she was dating was too much.
March 21
9: I stepped on a needle & had to call [aunt] to take me to the hospital because it was 1/2 way in. It was gross.
Ah, a story still talked about today. It was a sewing needle that my mom dropped in the carpet. I stepped on it with my bare (or maybe a socked) foot, right into the heel. I couldn’t pull it out myself and no one was home. Remember the olden days before cell phones? So I called my aunt, a nurse, who came over to look at it and was concerned that I could have an infection. As a precaution I went to the ER where another aunt came by (seriously, how great are these women). The ER couldn’t do anything since I was a minor and my parent was not there to authorize them removing a needle from my foot. You know, the off chance that my mom actually wanted the needle in my foot. Eventually a doctor walked by, looked at my foot and yanked the thing out and told the nurse to clean it and bandage it. When my mom got home I told her the story and her response was “Oh, I was wondering what happened to that needle”.
March 22
Today is mom’s date [date] is kinda nice. I think [cousin] is psychic.
Ok, I’m confused. This was the guy that she dated for a while, I thought there was someone before that. Maybe there was and I didn’t write about it. This is my problem with journaling, I get bogged down by the details since I have a computer memory. Also, did the fella come by and pick my mom up? Maybe it wasn’t a first date. Who would introduce the kids on the first date?
No idea about the psychic thing, probably just some coincidences.
I recently saw that the house (it was a 2 family) where we lived during this time was for sale. It is odd looking at the pictures and instantly recognizing parts of it despite the upgrades and changes. We lived there for 2 years but a lot of memories.
I was in a car accident on a Friday the 13th so I’m always careful. I avoid walking under ladders and try not to cross black cats. I certainly don’t let it rule my life but I’ve had some ominous experiences so I have what I call a healthy awareness.
I am back, or at least younger me is back. I have found reading and commenting on these old diary entries to be helpful. I remember things of my past, can laugh (and cry) at myself.
Also, what is the difference between a journal and diary? I know some differences, it seems like journal is used more now. Or is it that at my age it would be weird to write “Dear diary…”.
March 1
8th grade: [brother] came home for a break
My older brother came home for spring break. I guess that was the excitement of the time. Or I was trying to journal more and said “Starting March 1, I will write in my diary “
March 5
5th grade: John Belishi died. Our budriver was acting strange. In drama I think I have Schroeder. A
Excuse the spelling mistakes. About a month before John Belushi died I saw Jim Belushi in a play, I think that is why his death was significant to my little brain. I do remember playing the record of SNL (look it up, kids) and laughing at John. He was a talent like no other.
Our bus driver was strange and more to come on that.
I did get the role of Schroeder in “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown”. I went to an art’s alternative school for a few years. It was an incredible experience and I got to be in a few shows. I still remember a few lines that I had.
I’m glad that it was an A day.
Apparently 8th grade me fell off the wagon after one day.
March 6
5: I am starting to cough again I cleaned my room a little. B
I am guessing that my room needed more than a little cleaning. Yes, I had this cough/cold thing for months until it was finally discovered that I had an allergy.
March 7
5: Dad got an excellent stereo. Today mom lost her watch and it made her sad. I found it and it made her happy. I was happy to. A
Oh, I remember us all looking for her watch. I think that it was a gift from my dad, probably not worth much but she cherished it,I found it in or near the washing machine. She was so happy. I them asked if I could have it in her will! Whatever. It was nice to feel like I did something good for the family.
My dad was really into electronics and we had some sweet things. A big screen tv and a corded vcr. I’m the opposite, I’d still have a dumb tv if I could.
March 8
5: my throat is killing me. I lost second act script for dram. [teacher] hates me because he hates [sister]. B+
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I was in my sister’s shadow, both good in bad. One of the reasons I left the school was that I had a hard time keeping up the schedule of an early bus ride, lots of homework and having to work on scripts. I was also young for my grade and somewhat immature. In retrospect, it was a lot for a little kid. But I am glad for the experience
March 9
Today I didn’t go to school cause I can hardly talk. B
B for not being able to talk, not bad. This also added to the stress of my life. I could never figure out what was wrong and my parents we’re getting aggravated by my constant sickness. As an adult I went through a similar thing and found out after many doctors that I had allergies. Speak up, people and don’t let medical professionals brush you aside.
Bravo to little me for writing everyday despite the little woes of my life. At that age, they were big woes.
What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?
Whether to stay at job or not. I love it but right now I’m not getting enough hours so I’m on a tight budget. I’ve already started to look for another job though I am hoping that I can continue where I am with more hours.
Being underemployed is new to me. I’m thankful for all that I have and know that I’m better off than others but it’s still tight right now.
Tell us about your favorite pair of shoes, and where they’ve taken you.
I have a pair of Born (I don’t know how to do the weird o thing) that I bought 14 years ago. I bought them for a trip and worn them walking around all day. They are comfortable and somewhat fashionable (they don’t look too industrial). I have since worn them on other trips, absolutely my go-to for winter walking, as long as there is no snow. Only once did they fail me; it was New York and very slushy, they ended up getting wet inside and were gross walking around.
Here is the bummer, I tried to buy them in another color but the boots they make now are slightly taller and hit my knee. I need to find them in the old formula. I’m holding on to these bad boys until they fall off my feet.
I have them with me now on an overnight. Yes, the toes are scuffed but they have held up well. I love good quality shoes.
If there was a biography about you, what would the title be?
Kidding, kind of.
I’m not sure who would be interested in reading it. I do have some interesting aspects to my life and I am sure that a ghost writer would spin my years well.
Also, I have an insane memory for stupid stuff. My biography would be “March 10th in the third grade I was wearing my blue striped socks and I had a grape Capri Sun to go with my roast beef sandwich at lunch”. I’ll stick to blogging, thanks.
Introverted runner and other stuff 